my mom said

on the phone, that when I was two years-old I climbed our backyard fence and started walking alone down a dirt trail. She said she panicked and finally found me well on my way to somewhere. I remember it. I remember wondering why all the worry? I knew where I was going. I told her on the phone that I had spent yesterday yelling inside of a car, on camera, and to forgive my outburst at her beginning of an outburst. That if she could just be quiet for a second, and stop blaming herself, that I was lucky to have her as my mom and I wouldn't want any other mom in the world. And she started crying, like I was crying, days before, arms tingling numb inside an Emeryville Mexican Restaurant, doing a scene and channeling all the people I love. I know that I walk into uncertainty with a certainty in it. I know enough to know that it's all confusing and chaos, pain and pleasure. And because of that, tears in my eyes, big smile on my face, I know where I'm going.