swim out past the breakers and watch the world die

I awoke to haphazard scratch marks on my back. Like elegant claws. Last night I drove home with the windows down. My hair was cutting my eyes in the wind. In the Silverlake hills I left her house. A song by Everclear came on the radio. I was raised in L.A. of that era. Driving around the city with my mom, crazed, trying to make our lives better, listening to music like that. And, last night, before I got into my car, she knelt behind me while I put on my shoes and she caressed my shoulders, back, chest. And before that, we were complimenting each other. And before that, we were hungering into each other like animals fed on this kind of nourishment. I drove into her and she drove onto me. And in between we talked about things like birthdays. And before that, she hand rolled a cigarette while we spoke of death and birth and abortion pills. And it's nice when you can get into the ugly with a person, open hearted, cuz often it turns beautiful.

And when I drove home, I felt, finally I felt, a tinge of the magic that I love about this city.

found in my notebook

Loss prompts us to do things, Love prompts us to do things. Oftentimes these two forces battle & defeat each other & it'll probably be that way for a long time.

a deleted facebook post

We broke up just before that Adele song popped. We didn't know it would be so overplayed. So we identified. Like, suckers. But I didn't find someone like u. Never mind. There was an actress who I exchanged words like - love - with.and a Swedish/Nicaraguan beauty I kept at arms length until I needed her and she rightfully fled. So no the song was false but it was played over and over again. And now I'm outside a food truck waiting amidst the spilled lettuce for a chicken shwarma. And I am, yeah, I am Carrie Bradshaw. And all my friends are doing blow. And I wish nothing but the best for the Foo Fighters.

one line or two

i still haven't cancelled my dad's wifi. not cuz i'm looking for a signal. i just haven't done it.

venice blvd.

Don't smile at me. I'm a wolf.
He said.

I know. She said.
That's why I smiled.