I had become so sick of my music until you came back.
An ant crawls vertical up my blinds. Faraway clouds puff around the sky. Dark brown shingles decay on a roof in front of my window.
Trav said something very important to me last night. "You've got to be oblivious to the results."
The famous director told me I was moving around too much and that I should act almost as if I was underwater. I tried. I fake yawned and rubbed my eyes. The ad execs sat on their couches entirely disinterested. I was the last one that day. He made a joke about taking the prop pretzels home and I made one about contracting the flu. He laughed and told me to get out of there. I left cursing and swearing under my breath at another missed opportunity.
Into my car.
Circled around the grocery store. Beer, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, milk, eggs, mouthwash, and a new toothbrush. I muttered to myself down the aisles in excited disappointment, trying to work reverse psychology on the universe or my self-esteem, I'm not sure which one. I paid at a self check-out terminal and left.
Then I went home, sat on the couch exhausted. Feeling, even through the let down, that I had really lived that day. Trav ordered pizza and said something very important to me and we watched South Park. I texted you and then you called me and I was tired. I felt sorry. I was so tired.
I used my new toothbrush, then the generic mouthwash, and I fell asleep.
I dreamt uncomfortable dreams and woke up early. It's a new day and I have to make sure that I don't go around kicking myself in the ass. It's another opportunity to be alive. It's another. You're here. We're all here. Oblivious to the results.
