friday

i ran with your dogs on some farmland. the golden burnt sun splashed over us like a kid into a swimming pool at the end of a day, with smiling cannonball. the leash kept getting caught underneath the sidekick's legs but we chased time. a dusty iditarod team, striding in wobbly motion on the california dirt. tongues out, smiles on our faces, my heart staying at the gas station, tracking somewhere outside a rented mazda or in some bathroom for the wayward, key in your pocket. this morning, i'm awake, i told you. put my shorts on, grabbed a piece of fruit, tennis ball, worked my five-toed shoes on and stepped along my path in warm fog. you were talking about your foot patter, sounds they made. my rhythm for mindfulness is steady or intermittently thrown, bounced, rebounded against trendy walls or graffitied alleyways. a mind works like that green felt, between destinations, smacking down on pavement, rising up again. i understand when you talk of motion and arrival. breaking sweat, freshly mown grass, up and down, sandbox for grownups. hands to rope, gripping bars, breaking from thinking. lucky to be able to move in challenge, capability, it's fucking wonderful to wake up. i stumbled to a soft mound, gathered sand for a seat and sat down at the altar, in usual obedience of the blue moaning mother pacific ocean. everything swirling like a bad movie hallucination sequence, fragments of thought, ego, pride, defense, pleasure, fear, pain, the ocean says shhhh and inhales mightily. surfers on waves, sometimes it's about getting wet, taking off on a bad one, making the drop, starting over, because once in awhile a set comes in and a completion is made by two elements, once strange, now existing in greater union. for some moment or another, beyond surrender, without thinking, gentle knowing, i sank into being, opened my eyes, felt oriented. in front of me was the first time i'd viewed the world. nothing else had ever happened, was going to happen, or was happening, it was simply a giant moment fulfilling itself. thank you. i walked home, a guy carrying produce from the farmer's market was kneeling, curious, his dog was playing with an orange cat, if they could get along, just imagine what we could do, we joked. your name appears like a gift. we played some music for each other, the night arrived dark, the cop shielded his eyes from our headlights and retreated, mistaken he must've known. we were indeed, shining. your dogs made a mess with those burgers, i watched, listened, breathed you into my being, somewhere the ocean exhaled. we were already struck, now exploring, hands, everything to come, we shared a drive up enamored, lived honestly, returned intertwined.